Health Update: Anxiety

Well, today I had another doctor's appointment, one I was particularly expecting, since it was with a psychiatrist and the whole consult was made with the intention of removing the current medicine I'm taking for the fibromyalgia; it's not currently being used anymore for the condition so there's no reason for me to keep on taking it, but since it's a psychic medicine, it has to be removed by steps and with guidance.
But as I was expecting, the consult became much more than just dealing with that pill, and my current emotional state became very obvious; I'm having one of my baddest days, a kind of day where I just can't stand myself, and when I'm going through a hard one like this, I just can't put a smile on my face anymore, I just can't tell myself to be strong and to keep on trying, and I become so transparent, that my pain speaks for me instead of my mind.
The doc began to dig in, and by the end of the consult, I left with a diagnose of anxiety,and with the green light to change the med. Apparently my level of anxiety is way high, enough to make me tense, and in turn, gives me more pain, which keeps on raising the level of anxiety; an unending loop.

If anything, all of this just tells me it's about time I start taking more care of myself, REAL care which translates into loving myself more, the one thing that I always had a hard time doing; so it's in this moment of my life where I need to focus on myself more than ever, and concentrate more than ever in those few who have an equal relationship with me; I've given my all my whole life, more than once being deceived; now I need to get something from those who will do the same for me and taking a step away from the ones that hurt me, and in this particular moment, even the people I love the most can hurt me very easily, mostly since I'm always running behind the people I care for, even if they don't run next to me, and it's about time I stop that; either try to help me run with you, or just leave me behind completely, but don't hold my hand just for a little while, to then run away on your own while I wait to get your hand whenever you decide to come see how I'm holding on my own. Since I'm very much alone here in Barcelona with the only exception of my husband, I'm extremely vulnerable and fear will make me turn away at the first sign of me feeling like a pet you play with out of sympathy.

I must get out of this hole I'm in, which turned out to be deeper than I thought. It has become clear for me, after this appointment, that I'm trying too hard on everything without accomplishing a thing, and I just can't keep on doing that, not when the anxiety is so evident to others but not me. I'm not gonna leave DA or anything of the sort, if anything I want to focus on my art and commissions more than ever, but that means dedicating the little good time I have to that and only that, that's why (some of you might already notice it happening) I go completely silent, and that habit I hold so dear of going through the comments to chat with you all becomes something I just can't do right now; my time on the computer becomes each day more and more reduced because how much it hurts my eyes and spine, so all the social aspect of the computer has suffered as well as the one in real life did.

I always read your comments and that will never change Q 3 Q but from now on, I might get back to you or not, and when I do get back to you I might most certainly do it late, but if you do really know me, you should already now how it is You know I value each comment and each favorite, and that's never changing Cx

Thank you for reading, and you bet we'll be seeing each other