And so 2015 began!

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Good bye 2014! I'm happy I won't see you again! :dummy:
Hey everybody! :icondragonglomp: Happy New Year :D How are you? How's this new year been treating you so far? Are you glad 2014 is over, or was it a great year for you? I have to say I'm glad this past year is done, because we (my hubby and I) were in the group that had it very rough. Some of you know it all, some of you know bits of it... well here it is all! As I've had this big need to spit this all out as we went through it, but for personal reasons and respecting some wishes I didn't. Now it's time for me to let it out in my special, safe place I feel DA is for meh :heart: It's a long one, you've been warned!

We'll have to journey back to over half a year ago, almost around summer, when we were done planning and purchasing our honeymoon trip with the money our loved ones gave us as our wedding gifts; we were going to take a cruise around the Mediterranean, something that was very exciting to me since I've never had the chance to take a cruise. Back in those days, Emi was coming home every day completely stressed and mind exhausted from work, so a couple of weeks doing nothing was something we both were very much looking for. But one day, completely out of the blue, Emi got fired and basically for no reason. He got paid as he should have, we had little left in our savings after pulling that wedding, so we cancelled the honeymoon and got our money back thanks to insurance. From then on, we pulled our belts really tight with what he had, and began our fight to stay in Barcelona. I cannot emphasize enough how important this is for us, for the peace we found here where I can get properly treated for my fibromyalgia as well as getting understanding from society (something that doesn't exist in my country), and for the love we both grew for this wonderful city and its people.

Though it was indeed scary to suddenly find ourselves in this situation, to me -as a wife- in a way it almost felt like a relief; it was killing me watching my Emi come home so exhausted because of how stupidly bad things were being done at that company and what a heavy burden that was for him, but on the other, of course we both got hit by uncertainty. But I didn't despair, on the contrary; I held on my faith like never before. That was the day my mind set itself to KNOW that this former job was going to be our way here, and that without a doubt he was going to find a much better job somewhere else where he would feel stable, and this very same thing I would repeat to him as needed, so he wouldn't forget how valuable he is. And I was proven right, because after over half a year of waiting that felt an eternity, we received the best holiday present ever: he was offered a job. But going from the start to finally reach this finish line was no easy test at all, and my confidence in my hopes and positivism went through a big challenge. 
Being economically challenged, I wasn't able to start a physical rehabilitation to regain strength in my muscles again, which is fundamental for this condition, being in good shape. But not only I wasn't able to take that step, I went through things that made my muscles go very weak. I went through the medicine change, and in its process and result, I literally spent over a month in bed without being able to do something so basic as going to the bathroom without someone helping me drag my body because it hurt so much just to move that little. But once I began taking the new medicine, I began to feel good once again. As good as needed to be able to work on those commissions I always take so much time on because of how my body slows me down. But back to those couple of weeks, I was able to work daily, and even do a little bit of exercise on my own to try and get back on my feet, until out of nowhere, I got hit by appendicitis. It was back in August, on the 11th which I won't ever forget because that day a most special someone, whom I held so close to my heart, left us... RIP Robin.
Going through surgery wasn't that much big of a deal to me, Emi was the stressed one, but the recovery turned painful at first, because I wouldn't stop crying for Robin; honestly I was more upset by his passing than the surgery, and endless crying plus staples on a wound do not make a nice combination, even worse for someone with this condition. So for the recovery of the surgery, I spent a whole lot of time in bed once again and doing minimal efforts for at least a month, which would be easy to jump back from for a normal person, but for one with fibromyalgia... at least in my case, I just haven't bounced back yet. Of course my wound is healed and I'm in liberty to do whatever I can, but so much time of not being able to move to do the essential, turned my muscles into jelly, and work them out to a decent fit once again is not so easy to do when the weakness causes more pain every time you use them, so if I overdo myself, I end up without able to do a thing because I hurt myself maybe walking a bit too much, or spending more time in the computer than I should have, or giving a bath to Puca when I shouldn't have. That's why I need professional help, I just can't do this on my own, but during over the last half of the past year, I just had to eat my pain, abandon things that helped me deal with it but were expensive, and deal with it as best as I could, because we just couldn't afford that and other things as well, and we needed to stay strong to be each other's pillar, and when we both fell, we held onto each other to build ourselves back together.

Through these many months, Emi immediately began to search for something else, and meanwhile, began to work as a free lance artist. He got several replies from different companies -even from another country-, but since this all happened at the beginning of summer, there was barely any movement at all and it was all done extremely slowly, and our savings... you get the idea. We went through a lot of anticipation, anxiety and stress, because all of the companies would make him go through an amount of interviews I've never ever hear of, each one taking place months after the other, and then the added stress of having to consider the possibility of moving to another European country (and all the movement and paperwork it implies) when we just began to set here and love it... it felt like a ticking bomb in our minds. Meanwhile, I wasn't able to do much, which made me feel completely useless and pulled me down; those were the moments that tested me: I could either curl up in my bed crying while thinking there's no use in fighting, or I could kick that thought's ass out of my head and keep my head up with a smile for my husband to see. I chose the latter every single time, and that was the fight I took care of. I wasn't able to work my eyes and body out like Emi, but I sure could comfort him, encourage him and not let him fall; he fought physically for both of us, I fought emotionally, always supporting him and giving all my love and care.
The months went by, and as they did, one company after the other were no longer options to consider, and the possibilities began to grow thinner and thinner, and standing straight up was getting harder and harder; our minds were no longer ticking bombs, at this point our whole existences were.
We then reached that point where all there was left, was to wait for a YES or NO from two companies, and they sure took their sweet time to respond. It was was a day around December, when Emi got a phone call that made my ears move; the way he was talking, I could tell it was about a possible work. I tried not to sneak around while he was talking so not to bother him, but I couldn't help myself and got a bit closer to him, and while he was at the end of a hallway and I was at the other end, when he saw me he gave me the thumbs up, and I swear to God I began to cry my heart out so much, I literally went down to my knees crying. Crying out of happiness, crying for all those months I wouldn't allow myself to, crying because all of our struggle and fight finally brought some light into the darkness we were in and repelled for over half a year, and because we were going to stay where we are, in the beautiful Barcelona Queen so beautifully wrote about and that gave me the peace I was searching for all of my life; the place that allows myself to be ME, without anything or anyone getting in the way of that.

After such a journey that took so much on us, I now stand saying this: never, NEVER ever, give up. Even when things seem as darker than ever and you start to despair, if you endure and take the time to learn from your mistakes instead of wasting it regretting them, you'll soon see the light after the storm. Just be patient, all shadows must eventually meet the light ^ u ^ 

If you made it this far, thank you for reading! May this year bring the best to all of you dearies, and whatever you set up yourself to do this year, if you want it, FIGHT for it and never give up! :la: Life is like a personal war, and the struggles we come across are our battles, you win some and lose others, but no matter what, you have to keep up the fight and win the war!
© 2015 - 2024 MrsMagalink
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animetayl's avatar
Awe, I'm so sorry to hear everything that you've went through but I'm so glad that you are able to stay in a place that you love and you can get the support you need. It sounds like a year that was eventful but has helped you to grow as a person.

Sorry also that I have basically disappeared, but I currently have no way to produce any artwork and so it's depressing looking at what everyone is able to do. :) I have not forgotten about you!

I will keep you in my prayers for you to have healing and also for everything to work out well for you over there!